~A tribute to you Grandma~

             Its been awhile after my convocation...about 1 month. I had a lot in my mind a few days before the big day. One of it was not having my grandmother around. You see, she died of cancer last year. I was never close to her. Although she took care of me for a few years, I had always been the quiet and the grand-daughter who does not communicate much with her. I only realised I look up to her after she passed away. At the tender age of 40, she raised her 6 children, including her oldest son who is mentally handicapped. She raised her children single-handedly and got all of them married all.And all of them are living a good life now. She kept her oldest son with her, throwing into a fit if ever anyone suggests sending him to a special care home. She lived alone with him, doing all the house work and being independent enough until the disease struck her. She refused to accept the fact that the disease would cripple her and believed she would be cured. I saw her deteriorating slowly. The final draw came when she got tired easily, couldn't walk, couldn't chew solid food and even worse, she couldn't even go to the toilet. 

              You see, she had always had a soft spot for my brother and loved him dearly. She was always proud of whatever he does, no matter how petty it could be. It broke my heart when she couldn't smile or understand when my brother brought home strings of A's from his SPM examination. We had a small party to celebrate his and my sister's success in SPM. My grandma was staring into space and had such difficulty to chew the soft noodles we gave her. It was once, her favourite food. Until now I regret for not giving her a hug. I realized that I could not accept the fact that my once so-active grandma, is now practically immobile. Secretly I was wishing she would be cured and at least would start talking to us back. 

On March 24th, I was in my campus and I had an uneasy feeling. I told my dad I wanted to come home and that was when he told me grandma wasn't doing good. I traveled back home, being the last person in the family to see her before she passed away two hours later. The only image I will bring to my grave is when they brought her back home, fully wrapped in white cloth. She did not look like my grandma. This lady was pale, totally shrunk and cold. Where is my grandma?

                 All these time, I still do not know why memories of her is so strong in me. Is it because I love her or is it because I respect her so much? But I know I miss her. I missed her during my convocation. I missed seeing her proud face on that day. I really really miss you grandma.... This is for you.....

~The Wedding~

I see the delicate drawing of rice (kolam),

As pieces of my life put together,

I see the henna details on my palm,

As drawing to hide the lines underneath,

I see the aisle,

Guarded by the curious looks of guests,

I see the food display,

A galore of sugar and spice and everything nice,

I walk down the aisle,

White, red roses cover the path,

I see the oil lamp,

Dancing to the uneven rhythm of my heart,

I see the dais,

Decorated as grand as my new life expected to be,

I see the colored rice,

As yellow as the sun to shine on me,

I see the seat beside me,

As empty as a desert can be,

As empty as my heart can be,

Where will you be?

♥ Senses of night ♥

I hear the Cricket singing
A tune on his own,
Clearing the deafening silence of night,

Rhyming my every step.....

I see the Moon smiling,
A shine so bright,

Shining my ever so dark path,
Lighting my every step....

I feel the chilly breeze,

A chill to my bones,

Hugging my empty arms,
Guiding my bare hands....

I taste the cold drop,
A taste so fresh, or was it salty?
Trickling down my throat,
The rain drop or was it my tear?

I smell the damp soil, beneath my toes,
Ever so cold, striding every step,
Like a faithful companion,

The night is alive,
Yet,its empty...

 ♥Lakshme♥

♥12.50am - 21st August 2011♥

♥ Simplicity or Complexity? ♥

Life often had left me pondering, what it has to offer and what have I to offer it? Do I live up to people's expectations? Or do I live up to my own expectations or dreams? These three months awaiting my posting created a lot of fear, a lot of anxiety and tonnes of questions in my head. With so much of time around and so little to do, I gave my brains a lot to think about. That was exactly when I got my head alllll mixed up! A lot of people around me started stating their wishes of what they wanted me to be and what they wanted me to do *all these occurred because people around me are just to excited I'm stepping into the career world!*. None asked what do I wanted to do. So I pondered...what is LIFE? And I found these three quotations...that would do any of you a great help if you are as equally confused as me! That would save you all from ending up crapping like me! :)

♥ The man with a dollar ♥

         I was inspired by an old man to write this piece of blog today. I went with my family to indulge in sumptuous lunch at a well known Indian restaurant. 

       There were many people around with family or friends. All of them were spoiled for choice over the variety of fish, chicken, mutton and vegetables cooked in different styles. I saw a family where the mother was coaxing her daughter to finish up her meal of chicken and vegetables. When she failed to coax her little one, they left, with leftovers on their plates which  what could have been a good meal for one. 

        

  As I was having my lunch, I saw a frail man, with no slippers, shirtless, thin and old Indian man. Without hesitation he walked into the restaurant and proceeded to the food counter where people take-away their food. There, he showed the waiter a neatly folded one ringgit note in his hand and told  the waiter he wanted rice and curry respectively for that amount, with no choice offered to him due to the lack of cash in his hand. He waited patiently for his need to be fulfilled. I saw his fidgeting and talking to himself. When he was handed his packed of food, he  gave his one ringgit note to the waiter and then walked away quickly into the dining area of the shop.  Picking a quiet corner and ignoring the stares of many, he pulled out the chair, sat and carefully opened his packet of food. He hungrily ate his lunch, taking no time to chew his food, only to gobble it all down. He did not even ask for a tumbler of warm water even though the water is given for free. Perhaps he did not know. I was moved. I don't know why I found it hard to swallow my food. I intended to buy him extra dish as that was what my heart was asking me too. But I was afraid how he would take it. Would he be happy to get that extra dish of chicken or fish to go along with his plain rice and flat curry or would he feel angry because I pitied him? As i was having a conflict within myself, I saw him carefully crumpling his food packet. He was done. He rose from his chair and stumbled lightly as he walked over to the sink. He threw the packet carefully into the rubbish bin, washed his hand without soap. And walked away as fast as he had came in. I sat there still, thinking, why didn't I get him the extra dish? I should have taken the initiative. 

          Now, I'm sitting at home, writing this blog having such a mixed feelings. Perhaps I should have just bought him that extra dish.........

♥ The Happiness of Fasting ♥

The fasting month is here again, as obediently as always it does every year. For the past 6 years, fasting had proved to be a different affair for me. The five fasting session was full with friends around me, shopping in bazaar's around UUM and Gelugor for food as excitedly as my friends. This year, I'm missing everything!! Being a Penangite, and being so near to Gelugor, I have the advantage to go back there and saviour the food. But then again, I'm missing the "hye" I used to get when bumping into you guys in Gelugor. I'm missing the way you guys used to say hye to us as if we were strangers. I'm missing those "Macam mana awek kat depan tuh?" and "Wah banyaknya beli ari ni". I will certainly miss the tasty chicken rendang,nasi impit and other delicacies we used to get during the Buka Puasa or the Deepa Raya events. I shall let the pictures below to story you people and have a good flash back of those times we shared.

 Our first Deepa Raya 2005

Look at our baby faces!!

The makan at Dewan Agong

 2006

Our beloved lecturers... all smiley

The war for the guy :) ...what antics of us...

Our evergreen band

2007

With our juniors

2008

In Am's Cafe, UUM

 

 2009

Glorious food!

2010

Miss Letch

Our bob n joe

 

Our wonderful memories shall be accompany us during this holy month. Happy fasting mates!