The Butterfly

A butterfly so I am,
So you say....
Good to be seen,
Once touched, considered dead!
So you say....




You let me fly,
Wanting watch my wings flutter,
Watch me from far,
How I crumble and die,
So I say....



Hold me in your arms,
Watch me spread my wings,
And take you with me,
To a world of you and me....
Just you and me....

Love & Live

Yeah...LOVE is a common word among people to describe their relationship with their fellow partner. I love her, I love him...Oh my! We are so in love...bla bla bla.. Many succumbed into hatred and started to have the passion for revenge due to unfortunate events that took place, thus, cutting their love life short *sad sad...wipes a tear*. Well, life is short people!!! Why waste it on revenge? Yeah I Know how it feels to be cheated and then dumped *grrrrrr to those who did that*. Then again, there is so much to life than to seek revenge...or sit in a corner succumbing into deep, agonizing depression. Go out, get a huge tub of ice cream, and eat it all alone! trust me. you will so feel better. If not, look at the life of the one who deceived you. I bet you it must be full of misery *muahahahaha...evil lafter*. Come on! He/she dumped you! You think that BIG MAN up thier gonna let em get away with their sins? No way man! So, why not let the BIG MAN up there do his job? If we were to seek revenge and teach people lessons of life, what do we actually leave the MAN to do? We are freaking taking over his job people!!! Let us leave him do HIS job...I know HE can be really slow at time *what do ya expect, millions seek his attention daily*. But trust me, HE does HIS job better than any of us can do it. I saw it happen...Tears of sadness and anguish were transformed into smiles of happiness and laughter of joy and satisfaction *hoooooray!!!* 

Love your life...do not fear LOVE...It is awfully beautiful. Yeah, it is not sweet all the time. But what is fun in getting everything easy and nice? There is no fun in living a monotonous life.

Let there be differences. There you will see smiles of happiness, fights of  desires, hugs of passion and kisses of love. 

There will be that one person who will show us why  the previous relationships never worked. And that is when you will thank HIM for the stony path you once walked alone........ 

? ------>>>> ?

It was over..

Supposed to be over..

or at least it was....

Until you decided otherwise.

It was over..

Until I found all the pieces of ma broken heart..

or at least until I fixed them like a jigsaw..

But they never seem to fit the same...

Until you decided to crush it again.

It was over..

When you decided not letting me think so..

or at least I thought it was...

Until you decided to trick me again.

Now....

It is supposed to be over...

My heart was crushed for another...

Until you decided to shatter my crushed heart..

What is left for me?????

~Let go?~

Time passed...

To heal those wounds...

You caused knowingly....

Just as I nursed it back....

You scrapped it off again...

Just in case you don't know....

It hurts....a lot...

It has scars...Ugly scars....

Scars that make me weep....

It hurts...Just for you to know...

~Shattered~

You came. 

Made me smile. 

Made me feel special. 

Made me feel like a complete woman.

But you,

Made me cry,

Stole my heart,

Broke my heart,

And never returned it....

~A tribute to you Grandma~

             Its been awhile after my convocation...about 1 month. I had a lot in my mind a few days before the big day. One of it was not having my grandmother around. You see, she died of cancer last year. I was never close to her. Although she took care of me for a few years, I had always been the quiet and the grand-daughter who does not communicate much with her. I only realised I look up to her after she passed away. At the tender age of 40, she raised her 6 children, including her oldest son who is mentally handicapped. She raised her children single-handedly and got all of them married all.And all of them are living a good life now. She kept her oldest son with her, throwing into a fit if ever anyone suggests sending him to a special care home. She lived alone with him, doing all the house work and being independent enough until the disease struck her. She refused to accept the fact that the disease would cripple her and believed she would be cured. I saw her deteriorating slowly. The final draw came when she got tired easily, couldn't walk, couldn't chew solid food and even worse, she couldn't even go to the toilet. 

              You see, she had always had a soft spot for my brother and loved him dearly. She was always proud of whatever he does, no matter how petty it could be. It broke my heart when she couldn't smile or understand when my brother brought home strings of A's from his SPM examination. We had a small party to celebrate his and my sister's success in SPM. My grandma was staring into space and had such difficulty to chew the soft noodles we gave her. It was once, her favourite food. Until now I regret for not giving her a hug. I realized that I could not accept the fact that my once so-active grandma, is now practically immobile. Secretly I was wishing she would be cured and at least would start talking to us back. 

On March 24th, I was in my campus and I had an uneasy feeling. I told my dad I wanted to come home and that was when he told me grandma wasn't doing good. I traveled back home, being the last person in the family to see her before she passed away two hours later. The only image I will bring to my grave is when they brought her back home, fully wrapped in white cloth. She did not look like my grandma. This lady was pale, totally shrunk and cold. Where is my grandma?

                 All these time, I still do not know why memories of her is so strong in me. Is it because I love her or is it because I respect her so much? But I know I miss her. I missed her during my convocation. I missed seeing her proud face on that day. I really really miss you grandma.... This is for you.....

~The Wedding~

I see the delicate drawing of rice (kolam),

As pieces of my life put together,

I see the henna details on my palm,

As drawing to hide the lines underneath,

I see the aisle,

Guarded by the curious looks of guests,

I see the food display,

A galore of sugar and spice and everything nice,

I walk down the aisle,

White, red roses cover the path,

I see the oil lamp,

Dancing to the uneven rhythm of my heart,

I see the dais,

Decorated as grand as my new life expected to be,

I see the colored rice,

As yellow as the sun to shine on me,

I see the seat beside me,

As empty as a desert can be,

As empty as my heart can be,

Where will you be?